Angst. Super Angst.
What is it about bad days that just make you want to crawl under a rock and quit the world forever? It doesn’t even matter what it is that got you all bent out of shape. Maybe you handled a confrontation poorly. Maybe you forgot to get your change. Maybe you screwed up at work. Maybe you forgot to feed your pet. Maybe you said something dumb that made an acquaintance look at you funny. Maybe you missed an important appointment.
They all seem to center around the feeling like you let someone down. That is the worst feeling in the world – shame. Because really, that is the root of this mentality. You didn’t follow through with an assumed appropriate action, therefore you failed. Failure = shame. The rest is a downward spiral of high blood pressure, emotional meltdowns and binge eating.
I recently read an article about the power of shame – shame can be used to change whole cultural views. Lotus feet? Changed through the perception that it was shameful.
I had one of those days. I won’t go into detail, but needless to say I was ready to just quit life – become a hermit, hide in my home and just throw in the towel. I can’t help but feel terrible, like I’m CRAP. ARG.
And I know it’s so stupid and pointless to be this way. This is what’s called “first world problems.” I have a job, a roof over my head, clothes, shoes on my feet, and (usually) food in my kitchen. I know the world doesn’t stop turning when I have a bad day. I know that whatever my mistake was, it will most likely not bring my life to a screeching halt and even if it did, I have family and a loving husband who would be there for me… although I would probably be completely useless for a while.
Yet, a small part of me seems to whisper in my head, “just you watch – you don’t THINK it’s a big deal, but tomorrow this is all going to blow up in your face and it will be ALL. YOUR. FAULT!… but maybe if you’re on high alert…you just might get through this.”
I could go on and on about this, but really, I should just let it go and call it a night. Blarg.
